Score: 4

"Enough with the sticks already."

submission: The Battlefield III

date: September 2, 2003

I can't believe Madness Interactive got beaten by a fucking stick movie. I can deal with getting 3.35 rating from you retards - I acknowledged ages ago that you all have no fucking taste, that the best I could hope for from the NG audience was that you'd buy some T-shirts. But it's just ridiculous. I mean, don't you guys ever get bored of this same stickfight crap over and over? I introduce something innovative into the portal, it receives a 3.35. This, on the other hand, has been done a million times before, but bing! 4.19! Forgive me for being a little bitter, but to me, that's total bullshit.

Score: 5

"Serious pacing issues."

submission: Sinjid Battle Arena

date: August 31, 2003

The variety of level-up systems and attacks available was certainly impressive, but the game moves far too slowly to be worth playing for very long. What makes an RPG fun is character building, and this game definitely got that part right - but just getting a single experience point requires a lengthy, repetitive fight sequence. I simply couldn't be arsed to sit there for five minutes clicking the 'attack' button over and over again with an occasional heal spell tossed in for one lousy exp and 50 gp. There wasn't any real strategy required for the fights, so gaining new spells served only to make the boring wait go a little more quickly - there was very little strategic value to them.

All in all, I think it was a good effort, but because the fights were so uninteresting and the pace so slow, I just couldn't get into it.

Score: 9

"Superb"

submission: Crimsonland TurretDefense

date: June 25, 2003

Crimsonland is a great game, and you've incorporated its best elements into this shooter. I think it would be a better experience if the gun rotated to point to the mouse rather than using the arrow keys (_rotation=Math.atan2(_y-_root._ymouse,_x-_root._xmouse)*18 0/Math.PI). I know that the key system is part of the challenge, but it's also quite frustrating. You could put inertia behind the turret movement even if it was tracking the mouse so that the speed of rotation would still be an important gameplay element. All in all, though, great work.

Score: 1

"God dammit."

submission: Killing Spree II

date: May 25, 2003

There are so many of these stupid generic stick fighter movies on Newgrounds, and it's just dumb. It was a bad idea to begin with, and now it's an overused bad idea. Stick movies are stupid, and that's all there is to it.

Score: 0

"Bad choice of game type, friend."

submission: Battleships

date: May 15, 2003

Congrats: you took the most boring board game ever to be conceived of, and wasted your time adding nice graphics and sound. It doesn't matter how pretty you make it look, a bad game is a bad game, and battleship is -definitely- a bad game.

Score: 9

"Cheesy anime music is the best."

submission: Stardust

date: May 7, 2003

I liked it, though perhaps that's just because I have a propensity towards ridiculous Japanese things. And that sky train tune is too damn catchy!

Score: 6

"Ok"

submission: mystery movie

date: May 5, 2003

That was mildly amusing. I know it's an outside website and all, but it's related: http://www.flecko.net/view.php?page=NG%20Reviews

That's a collection of reviews I got for Super Kentucky Space Battles. I thought they were pretty damn funny.

Score: 3

"Mediocre."

submission: Earthbound - Dat my Bitch

date: April 9, 2003

Earthbound is a great game, but I can't give you a good score just for making a movie about it. This just wasn't funny. And I'm sick and damn tired of seeing "this is my first movie" or "I haven't used Flash forever" on every other entry; that's not an excuse to make a lousy movie. Why should anyone ease up on you because you're inexperienced? A bad movie is a bad movie. Maybe you should have done a few for practice before posting this, no?

Score: 2

"Poor mechanics."

submission: Wacked! Assassin

date: March 20, 2003

I tried this three times. Each time, I got stuck in a wall within one minute. Your programming skills need some serious work.

Score: 5

"Good looks, bad mechanics."

submission: virtuapikey

date: February 27, 2003

Looks great, presented well, but when you come down to it, the game isn't very interesting. The core of the gameplay is just button mashing, and the dodging and blocking do little to change that. Also, the intro music was bad--I know it was supposed to be a carnival, but you could have done better.